Attack YIFY

Took in this last night. It is one of two CRITTERS reboots/sequels/whatever that hit this year and apparently this is the better of the two. Which makes me truly fear the Shudder series CRITTERS: A NEW BINGE because this one is terrible. The Krites and their voracious appetites descend up a small town looking for their queen and poor babysitting college student Drea (Tashiana Washington) gets caught in the middle. Shot in South Africa, this constitutes the fifth entry in the film series as producers Rupert Harvey and Barry Opper return. Dee Wallace also shows up for about 10 minutes and the filmmakers try to remake her in full Sarah Connor/Laurie Strode bad ass mode, which is tough because she was 70 when she shot this (scenes of her running showcase this). Even worse, they can't be bothered to state if she is the same character from the first film. Sure, you can make that mental connection (why else would she be monitoring alien activity in a bunker?) but she introduces herself to characters as "Aunt Dee." WTF? The filmmakers steadfastly refuse to use ANYTHING to use to the film's advantage. Example: We see the return of the infamous critter-ball and at one point it runs over a victim. Now this would be the moment for a gore gag - this is the first in the series to be rated R - where we see it roll over him and a few seconds later we could see a bloody, picked clean skeleton, right? Nope. Director Bobby Miller just has the guy fall and that's it. Hell, the town attack is five people running round a shopping mall parking lot with a critter puppet sewn to their pant leg. My favorite example of how lazy this film is - at one point Drea goes to see the disbelieving sheriff, her uncle, to tell him about the aliens. Now they legit have a good alien in their bag (a la GREMLINS). The Sheriff says, "I don't believe you" blah blah blah. Instead of ripping open the bag to show him and go, "Yes, they are real!" the lead girl goes, "Okay, guys we're leaving." Now I'm not asking for high art with films like this, but dammit Peter Jackson made BAD TASTE for $25,000. With so many talented folks working in the horror industry, how do folks like this get selected to make dreck like this?

Attack YIFY

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We are introduced to an LA sway team who act more like mercenaries. While transporting crime boss Robert LaSardo, aliens attack. There is a flashback to the 19th century when they were here. Tara Reid is in it briefly.I started to get into the film and then they all hunkered down in the jail. They created good characters, I wish they utilized better.Guide: F-word, sex nudity (Cira Valenzuela, Tasha Reign + others)

3 HEADED SHARK ATTACK is unsurprisingly a follow-up to 2-HEADED SHARK ATTACK. It's another monster flick from The Asylum, in which an unlikely creation goes after a group of partygoers and various assorted individuals off the coast of Florida.You know the score by now if you're familiar with The Asylum's work: this is a so-bad-it's-good piece of film-making cheese, loaded with unashamed dodgy special effects, lashings of bloodshed, and almost constant eye candy. The scenarios and situations are ripped off from various movies, including PIRANHA 3D, but nonetheless I found myself enjoying it. The film provides a near-constant stream of shark attack scenes with plenty of goofy acting to applaud.This is a step up from the previous movie and one of the most fun films from The Asylum that I've yet watched. They even have Danny Trejo making an extended cameo in a spin on his character from MACHETE. Really, though, it's all about the likes of Dawn Hamil and Brianna Ferris parading around in their form-fitting bikinis to titillate male viewers, and some better than average CGI effects used to animate the three-headed shark. Normal cinema-goers will hate this film, but B-movie fans should get a kick or two (or three!) out of it. 041b061a72